Wildcard Weekend Preview

Before we get into anything, let me open by saying Happy New Year to each and all.  I did indeed go out on New Year’s Eve, but it was actually a pretty normal night out with the boys, so I don’t have much to report on that.  I will say, however, that it’s fun going out for major holidays and watching the length of girls’ dresses get shorter every calendar year.  Here’s to more thigh in ’09!

Okay, I’m done  being perverted. For now.

The real reason I’m here is to talk playoffs.  The NFL playoffs start on Saturday, and I just don’t think it would be a football weekend if I didn’t chip in my two cents.  We’ll start with Saturday’s games.

Atlanta (-2) over Arizona

Give me one good reason to take the Cardinals here.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  They have played so poorly in the last six weeks, only winning twice (once against the lowly Rams and once against the equally lowly Seahawks). They can’t run the ball whatsoever, which means their entire offense is reliant on 37 year old Kurt Warner’s arm.  Sure, he was probably the MVP of the first half of the season, but he hasn’t played very well in the past five or six weeks.  Add that to the fact that he’s old and has been sacked 26 times this year, and I think that creates a recipe for the Falcons to go after him. I mean, if the Cardinals do win this game, it will be because Warner threw for 430 yards.  Even though I think the Cards are bad, I think the Falcons are going to take this game more than they will have it given to them.  They have a balanced attack with Michael Turner and Matt Ryan, and I think they will prove to be too much for Arizona to handle.  My pick: Atlanta 24 – Arizona 20

Indianapolis (-1) over San Diego

You know, despite the differences in their records, three out of the six online sportsbooks I looked at are giving the line as a “pick em.”  I dunno, maybe I don’t see what they see.  I see an Indy team that has won nine in a row, playing against a San Diego team who did NOT play well outside their division and who basically backdoored their way into the playoffs due to a skewed system.  (Note: You can make the case that they won their last four games to earn that playoff spot, but take a look at those four wins.  They came against Oakland, Kansas City, Tampa Bay, and Denver.  Not a solid team in there considering Tampa and Denver both took late-season shit slides. Meanwhile New England is sitting at 11-5 and will be watching the playoffs this season. Bogus.) I see a struggling LaDanian Tomlinson who has only rushed for 100 yards or more twice this season, (and they were for 106 and 105 yards respectively).  If this line stays at Indy giving one point, this is a slam dunk of a bet in my opinion.  My pick: Indianapolis 35 – San Diego 24

Onto Sunday’s games …

Baltimore (-3.5) over Miami

How good is Baltimore’s defense?  Consider this: 40% of plays run against them this season have gone for zero or negative yards.  When I heard that, I almost choked on my chicken pot pie.  That is astounding.  Despite that, this was a particularly tough game for me to make a call on.  On the one hand, Baltimore beat the hell out of Miami 27-13 earlier this year.  On the other hand, that was back in October, and Miami has most certainly gotten better since then.  Miami’s offense gets my nod over Baltimore’s, but playoff football is all about playing good defense and limiting mistakes, so this game could go either way.  If Joe Flacco comes out flat and the Ravens defense is on the field for an extended period of time in the first half, it could open the door for Miami.  I don’t like Baltimore’s chances playing from behind, so if they don’t get on the board early it could spell trouble for them.  In the end though, I have to go with my gut.  My pick: Baltimore 19 – Miami 13

Philadelphia (-3) over Minnesota

I can’t bring myself to take them.  I cannot take the Vikings here.  It’s not even about my dislike for them, I can put that aside.  I just don’t like this matchup for them for a few reasons.  Brace yourself, this could take me a while to vent.

-First, they have the worst coach in the playoffs, and it’s not even close.  I thought Andy Reid was a bad coach, but there is no mistake that Andy Reid can make that Brad Chidlress won’t make twice.  I haven’t seen so much indecision in my entire life.  Like last week, when they let 20 seconds run off the clock at the end of the game, then called a timeout with 9 seconds left, brought out the kicker, had the Giants call a timeout, came out and ran another play, and then kicked the field goal.  What the hell is Brad Childress thinking?  Either you want to run another play or you want to kick the ball.  Either call a timeout right away, or run it down to three seconds.  What could possibly be going through his mind?  I imagine his thought process is similar to John Daly at a buffet when he’s only got room on his plate for one more dish.  “Uhhh, meatloaf.  No.  Macaroni and cheese.  No. Meatloaf.  Mac and cheese.  Meatloaf.  Mac and cheese …. Ice cream?”  No good can come from that.

-Second, their entire offense is way too one-sided. It revolves entirely around Adrian Peterson, who recently admitted to the media that he’s been playing hurt the last three weeks.  Aside from the obvious that your only offensive weapon is not 100%, now the Eagles are going to be gunning for him, and you’re crazy if you think they won’t be.  They are going to blitz like crazy on first and second down and he is going to get stuffed harder than Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball. That leaves third downs to Tavaris Jackson.  Minnesota fans, I know T-Jack has been playing better lately, but he’s still Tavaris Jackson.

-Third, as I said before, playoff football is about defense and limiting mistakes.  The Vikes have a fantastic defense, no denying that.  But they make a lot of mistakes, also no denying that.  Vikings quarterbacks have thrown 17 interceptions, and the offense as a whole has fumbled 18 times.  That’s a tish more than one of each per game, which is not going to cut the mustard.

Look, I have a hard time giving the Vikes credit for almost any of their wins this season.  They are a product of a horrible division and I’ll go so far as to say their only quality win was aginst Carolina in week three.  Don’t even tell me last week’s win against New York was a quality win because half of the Giants starters were on the sidelines while the Vikings scored their last 10 points.  I’ll tell you all like I told Jordan.  The only shot the Vikes have to win this game is if Peterson gets a 60 yard touchdown run early and gets the Eagles on their heels.  Then they might get a couple cheap turnovers and take a 17-0 lead while the Metrodome goes nuts.  That is the only thing that’s got me even somewhat nervous about this game.  I say I’m nervous because Jordan and I bet on this game.  We bet on all kinds of stuff, and it’s usually for a beer and almost never for more than $10, but this time we stepped things up a notch.  I told him that if the Vikings win a playoff game, I will kill myself.  I also said this two weeks ago before I had any idea of who they would be playing, so I get extra credit for that.  When I asked him what he was going to put up against my life, he replied, very casually, “A beer.”  Worth it.  My pick:  Philadelphia 20 – Minnesota 17

Well, that will do it for this week’s games.  I’ll see what I can do about making this a weekly ordeal all the way through the Super Bowl.  Hang on, while I consult the board of directors.

Okay, I’m back.  Thanks for sticking around.  Well, I’ve convened with myself, and as it turns out, I really don’t have anything better to do, so I am going to green light this project.

Let me know what you think about these games and my picks.  I’m fully expecting two ridiculous comments, one each from Jordan and B-Weezy, the resident Vikings fans.  I’m ready to defend my predictions boys.

One love,

10

2008 Year-End Awards

Hello all and welcome to El Casa de Ten!  (For all of you who don’t know, that was Spanish for “The Casa de Ten”).  Anyway, welcome to the 2008 Tennies.  As we bid adieu (you didn’t know I was multi-lingual did you?) to 2008, I’ll be handing out my year-end awards to any and all categories I see fit.  I was going to get a celebrity host for this most gallant of events, but as it turns out Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal were both committed to other projects.  This means two things: 1) We’re more than likely less than a year away from two very horrible action movies hitting theaters, and 2) I’ve gotta do this myself.  So, without further ado, on to the awards!

Best Movie –  Dark Knight.  Maybe it was the special effects, maybe it was the hype, maybe it was the build-up and controversy surrounding Heath Ledger’s death, but however you look at it: This. Movie. Kicks. Ass.  The plot, although filled with holes, was spectacular.  Heath Ledger was INCREDIBLE.  This movie has definite re-watchability, and even though it is two and a half hours long, you would swear it wasn’t because you are immediately drawn in and the action is non-stop.  Hands down, my favorite movie of 2008.

Honorable Mention – No Country For Old Men. This race may have been a lot tougher to call had it not been for the ending of this one.  When it comes down to it though, I think Beach said it best when he said “the first 80% of this movie is some of the greatest film making of all time.”  Agreed, big time.  This one stayed with me for a few days after I watched it, and if it ended up in my Christmas stocking, I would certainly not be disappointed.  Maybe if I watched it a couple more times, the ending would take on new meaning for me.

Most Disappointing Movie – Cloverfield takes this one in a landslide.  Honestly, I was intrigued by the plot.  I was into the movie.  It had me.  I was able to put aside the camera work, which was in Blair Witch style, and I was able to put aside the ridiculousness of the monster in Manhattan.  I was able to put aside the fact that no explanation was offered whatsoever as to how this thing got there or why it was killing everyone.  I got past all of that, only to have it all completely shit on by the last two minutes.  What the hell happened here people?  The movie was only something like 87 minutes long and it ended so abruptly it made me wonder if everyone on set got explosive diarrhea simultaneously and they just decided to cut and print where they were at.  The government’s plan to just straight up wipe out the entire city is put into motion, bombs start dropping, and the two main characters die in each others arms under a bridge in Central Park.  How fucking cute.  WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE MOVIE?!?!?!?! Did the plan work?  Is the monster dead?  They had been hitting it with missiles throughout the movie and they didn’t seem to phase it in the least bit.  Why can’t we get more closure on this?  Can I get five minutes alone with the director on this one?

Best Album – “Where The Light Is – John Mayer Live in Los Angeles.”  After much deliberation, and the realization that it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want, I decided that I am okay with giving out a Tennie to a non-studio album.  I don’t care, the album is good enough to win, and that’s all that matters to me.  For those who aren’t familiar, the album was recorded during a live show at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles and featured a 22-song set split up into three different incarnations of Mayer’s music.  The first set was an acoustic set, the second was with the John Mayer Trio, and the third was with his full band.  Long story short, it is incredible. Aside from being the best live performance I’ve ever seen or heard, I really liked the contrast between the three sets.  Look, you got a problem with this pick, take it up with the selection committee, and by “selection committee” I mean me.

Best Sports Team – New England Patriots (18-1, Super Bowl runners up).  I grappled with this decision a lot.  A lot. When it came down to it, the Pats were one play away from putting away only the second perfect season in NFL history, and arguably the best one ever.  If David Tyree doesn’t magically pin a pass against his helmet with time winding down and a defender so far up his ass he could see his lunch, the Pats walk away 19-0.  I can’t punish them for that.  99 times out of 100, that play either ends in an incompletion or a sack (remember, Manning shook a tackle in the backfield before hucking up that prayer).  So, after much deliberation, I decided that since no team has finished the regular season undefeated since 1972, and no team has come that close to running the table outright, the Pats deserve the nod.

Honorable Mention – Boston Celtics (66-16, NBA Finals Champs).  Being a T-Wolves fan, it was rewarding seeing Garnett finally get a ring like he deserves.  It was even more satisfying watching the Celts beat the Lakers.  Even though they went seven games with Atlanta and Cleveland, and six with Detroit and LA, they were so dominant throughout the regular season that they deserved a shout-out here.

Best TV Show – The Office, Season Five.  This was maybe the funniest season yet, and each episode has been better than the previous.  How the show continuously manages to top itself is just a testament to the fact that it has some of the best writers in television right now.  More than ever, aside from the comedic value and one-liners, the show has developed a few side plots for us to follow (i.e. Jim and Pam’s engagement, the Dwight-Angela-Andy love triangle).  The key to these developments, however, is that the writers don’t drown us with them.  They don’t devote entire shows to them, they are very secondary to the comedy.  And even the side plots themselves are steeped in comedy.  Basically, the show is moving forward without being watered down.  Brilliance.  Pure brilliance.

Honorable Mention – Entourage, Season Five.  Entourage gets second pony for being only twelve episodes long and being somewhat unrealistic (even more than usual).  I liked it a lot, but it wasn’t the best season so far.  I’ll let Bill Simmons sum it up for me with this quote, chock full of sarcasm, from his December 5th post on ESPN.com.

Well, the fifth season of “Entourage” wasn’t implausible at all: I can totally see Vince’s losing his career after one bad movie (so what if Colin Farrell has made 15 stinkers and keeps getting jobs?), becoming Hollywood poison, getting a job only because his agent passed up a $10-million-a-year studio head position to stay with him — you know, because agents have such great character — submarining an elaborate $120 million action movie that somehow came together in about 2.23 seconds because the director hated him (in the irony of ironies, because he didn’t think Vince, a guy played by Adrian Grenier, could act), hitting rock bottom and moving back to Queens, then climactically rebounding with the lead in Martin Scorsese’s new movie without ever auditioning for it, and while all of this was happening Jamie-Lynn Sigler fell in love with a jobless Turtle, and Johnny Drama starred on an NBC drama that normally would tape for 17 hours a day, unless your show stars Johnny Drama, in which case you tape once a month for a couple of minutes. Awesome. I’d ask for that 390 minutes of my life back, but it’s my own fault for watching. I blame myself.

I think Bill is a little more upset than I am, but he pretty much touched on all of the stuff that was bothering me about the development of the plot.

Best Purchase – My new entertainment center, without question.  It’s funny how quickly your life can change.  One minute you’re sitting there, reading the Best Buy weekly ad and you see a high-end Sony Bravia package deal that includes a 46″ LCD, a Blu-Ray player, and a 5.1 surround sound system, all for less than the retail cost of the TV alone.  The icing on the cake comes in the form of four magic words: “Three years no interest!” Sold. The next minute you’re sitting in your apartment, alone, with your jaw on the floor watching Iron Man and swearing up and down that Gweneth Paltrow is sitting across the room from you.  That’s how good it looks.   As I’ve said before, Blu-Ray has changed movies for me forever, and until you see it in it’s full, clear beauty, it is indescribable.  Far and away the best thing I’ve bought this year … and maybe ever.

Worst Purchase – The Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner.  Do yourself a favor, save your money and don’t spend it on this piece of crap.  The label on the bottle of cleaning solution says that you should use this thing once a day, and each bottle will last up to six months.  That’s funny, because I used it once a day and it lasted about three weeks.  Tops.  Not only that, but it just doesn’t work.  All it does is spray that shit all over hell and back for 15 seconds, and then it drips down the sides of your shower wall.  Let’s face it, we’re just gonna have to get in there once in a while and scrub our damn shower ourselves. As stupid as I feel about this one, I would feel 6,000 times stupider if I had bought a Magic Fuzzle like Eric, B-Weezy, and Cristin implored me to do on Black Friday.  Suckers.

Nostradamus Award – The award for the best prediction of the year is a sports-related one, and I’ll do myself the honor of cutting and pasting from a post I wrote on September 2nd:

Speaking of a possible implosion, I can’t imagine I am the only one waiting for Dallas to go completely up in flames.  Between T.O. and Romo, that team has more distractions than a pedophile school bus driver.

Let’s face it, when T.O. is on your team, you are walking on egg shells and you’re never more than a minute away from a possible meltdown.  My Terrell Owens-related prediction for next year is this: T.O. will be out of Dallas by the end of next season and he may have a difficult time finding another team.  He’s been a ticking time bomb no matter where he is;  San Francisco, Philadelphia, and now Dallas.  He seems to be physically incapable of getting along with a quarterback.  He, simply put, is a fucking psychopath.  I really think he might have bipolar disorder or some kind of manic/depressive syndrome.  It’s just always something with the guy, and sooner or later, owners are going to stop wasting money on a team killer like this one.

Britney Spears Award – This is the award for the biggest comeback of the year.  One might argue that Britney is poised to win her own award for her second comeback (let’s face it, she looks fantastic again), but I’m going to go a different direction.  I’ll say that the Miami Dolphins are this year’s Britney Spears.  After finishing last year with a 1-15 record, the ‘Fins have rebounded higher than anyone could have ever expected.  They are currently 8-5, in a three-way tie for first place in the AFC East, and if they win their last three games they would take their division.

Honorable Mention – Chad Pennington.  After being outcast by almost the entire league, Chad has bounced back and is highly responsible for Miami’s success thus far.  He has only thrown six interceptions and has not lost a fumble yet.  Impressive.  Congrats to Chad for turning it around for himself.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this year’s awards.  I would like to thank everyone for coming.  I would also like to thank the selection committee for all its hard work.  Hope this was an entertaining read for you.

One love,

10