Archive for April 2009

There’s No “I” In Gym

April 30, 2009

You know what really grinds my gears?  When people don’t know and/or follow proper gym etiquitte.  Irritates me to no end.  I’m by no means one of those pretentious jerks at the gym who thinks he’s better than everyone else, but when I go, I expect a certain amount of reciprocation in respect from the other gym members.  Everything I expect from these people is basic and simple, and truly just an extension of rules we’ve learned through our lives about everyday living. 

So because I am sick of muttering “You filthy, rotten fuckface” under my breath every time I see someone make a gym foul, I figure I should vent my anger before I end up in an unfortunate situation involving a 15 pound dumbbell and someone’s anus. 

1.) Wipe your machine/bench when you’re done.  This might be the one that aggrivates me the most.  If I’m waiting to use the legpress machine and the sweaty gorilla currently using it refrains from wiping the puddles that collected on the seat after he’s done, I get oh-so close to jumping him and pummeling his face like Ed Norton did to that guy in Fight Club when he “felt like destroying something beautiful.”   The gym buys disenfectant and paper towels for a reason.  That reason being: people don’t particularly care to bathe in a pool of others’ workout juice.  Life lesson applied:  Clean up after yourself when you’re done. 

2.) Don’t be a hog.  There is always someone at the gym who thinks he/she is the only person in the building.  They run around like they’re on crack using every machine and barbell and bench they can get their hands on for 45 seconds at a time in a neverending cycle of annoyance.  Look bro, if you wanna do those sweet super-duper-sets you read about in Muscle & Fitness then that’s fine, but don’t act like you have everything in a 40 foot radius on reserve until you leave.  If you want to share something for a few sets, then fine, but I am not going to stand around with my thumb in my ass while you run in circles grunting and slapping your pecs.  On the same wavelength, mind your surroundings.  If it’s extra busy try to limit your time on any one machine or lift station so others can use it.  Don’t hop on a machine, do a set, and then sit there for five minutes while you wait to do another set.  Life lesson applied: Share. 

3.) Put your stuff away when you’re done.  It gets annoying tripping over people’s weights and jumpropes because they left so quickly that you would think they shit their pants.  You have an extra 15 seconds to put away whatever you dragged out, so please do so.  Not doing as such may lead to confusion.  Often times if someone uses something and leaves it out, it may lead others to believe that the equipment in question is still being used.  Thig bogs down the system.  Look, I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to.  I want to work out and get home so I can watch reruns of “Are You Afraid of the Dark” on Nickelodeon.  Do us all a favor and clean up after yourself.  Life lesson:  Leave things how you found them. 

4.) Respect goes a long way.  This one pissed me off so much it gets its own category.  Hell it could probably get its own post.  I usually work out after work around the same time every night, so it stands to reason that I run into a lot of the same people when I go. Well there is one lady who is one incident away from me tying her to the back bumper of my car and taking a little joyride.  A little background on this lady.  She’s probably around mid-30s, short, and disgustingly skinny.  Seriously, if I had to guess her weight, I would say she weights around 95 pounds.  She looks anorexic, and yet she’s at the gym every night in two sweatshirts and wind pants power walking on a treadmill.  So right away from this initial impression, I don’t like this person.   Onto the incident.  Tuesday night, I was on an exercise bike getting my Lance Armstrong on, listening to my iPod, and watching one of the four TVs that are mounted in front of the cardio area.  On those four TVs were the following programs: The Jimmy Fallon Show, some show on HGTV about houses, some shitty movie on ABC Family, and UFC fighting on SpikeTV.  You can guess which one I was watching.  Then in walks the lady.  She walks up to the TVs, grabs the ONE remote that controls them, and hops on a treadmill.  I knew what was coming.  She proceeds to turn the UFC fight – the only one I am even remotely interested in watching – to “Sex and the City.”  Really?  I throw up my arms in disgust and let out a very audible “Wow.”  Now there is nothing on any one of the TVs that I want to look at, let alone struggle to read the captions to keep up with the dialogue. That wasn’t even the worst of it either.  No no.  What really, really set me off was that ol’ bag-o-bones decided that she wasn’t going to relenquish control of the remote.  Nope, she set it in the little holder on her treadmill.  Then came the last straw.  She buried her stupid ugly face in Us Weekly and didn’t watch so much as a God damn minute of her stupid show.  HULK ANGRY!  Look Skeletor, if you’re going to come and throw a wrench in everything like this, you had better get used to the feel of my fist in your kidneys because it will be making several visits from now on.  Life lesson: Don’t be a stupid whore.

5.) The little stuff.  Everything else is pretty basic but bears mentioning.  Don’t spit in the water fountain.  If you’re going to stand around and talk, do it somewhere that keeps you out of everyone’s way.  No street shoes in the gym, leave your muddy loafers at home.  Respect the personal space of others.  You know, stuff like that. 

Follow these rules, and you’ll be the person at your gym that no one will want to punch in the face for being a douchebag.  Glad I could be of service to you today,  it has been my pleasure.  You know, I actually feel a little better now that I’ve vented.  Maybe now I won’t feel the need to assault Skeletor lady tonight when I see her. 

Nah, I’ll probably still want to kick her in the face. 

One love,


I Love Blog, Blog Loves Me

April 28, 2009

These are just some of the things I’ve learned after a little over a year of blogging:

– Blogging can be a great stress reliever.  Many times I have used this as a forum to vent my frustrations about anything from smoking to bad drivers, and let me tell you, it works.  It’s like that old trick where if you’re pissed off at someone, you write them a hateful letter and decline to mail it … Only I’m putting my letters on the internet for 6.75 billion people to potentially see and I’m hoping the person I’m cutting down just doesn’t read this.   And if he does, so be it.  Fuck him if he can’t take a joke.

– Blogging can also be a stressful thing IF you let it be.  If you’re one of those people who is determined to write a set number of posts per week, and you don’t have enough material to get to that number, then you’re gonna freak out and force something about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.  I used to get a little weird if I hadn’t written in a while, but then I realized that people don’t depend on this crap to get them through their lives.  Therefore, if I wanna take a week off from writing to sit on the couch, crush a box of Cocoa Puffs (per day of course), and watch every episode of “Law and Order: SVU” then I am going to do just that.  Lay off me. 

– On that note, I got into the habit of apologizing if I hadn’t written in a few days. Well let’s face it, that’s just dumb.  You have a life, I have a life, and sometimes shit happens.  Sometimes we all have more important things to do than sit on the internet all night.  (This coming from a guy who will spend an hour on YouTube watching “Family Guy” clips even though I’ve seen every episode ever aired.)  Anyway, it’s not like the people who read this are sitting at home clicking refresh every minute waiting for a new post.  It’s like getting free samples in the grocery store.  If you walk by a tray of pizza bites, you’re gonna stop and check it out.  If you don’t see any num-nums, then it’s not the end of the world.  You probably weren’t even hungry to begin with. 

– Conversely, if you’re gonna start a blog, then man up (or woman up, whatever the case may be) and stick to it.  Don’t send everyone e-mails and Facebook messages and MySpace invites and Tweets telling us how you like, started this awesome new blog, and it’s gonna like, totally rock dude, and I can’t wait to like, express my individualism vis-a-vis the world wide web (that was another “vis-a-vis” for you Hammen.  Thought I forgot didn’t you?)  … only to write twice in four months and quit.  The people guilty of this know who they are, I needn’t mention any names. 

– I like to blog like a DJ picks songs; two or three solid hits in a row, then something completely weak sauce to remind you who’s running this club.

– Never, ever is everyone going to agree with what you write.  I knew this coming in, and I personally have fun defending my opinions.  I guess it’s become habit growing up with friends like Eric and B-Weezy, who always seem to keep me on the defensive.  I think some people take it personally when their opinion is challenged.  In the end, arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics.  You might win, but you’re still retarded. 

– No one reads posts on the weekends.  No one.  I have posted on the weekend a few times before and no one sees it until Monday.  Sometimes if I post too soon on Monday, the weekend post gets lost altogether because people don’t even know it’s there. 

– Your ideas are going to get unknowingly stolen before you get a chance to write them.  This has happened to me probably close to a dozen times, (mostly by Hammen and Beach, and a couple times by Bigsby).  When it happens, I damn them to eternal hell, and then find something else to write about.  Hell, it’s probably better that they write my ideas anyway.  If blogging were like sandwich making, those guys would be working at Subway and I’d be some fat guy at home slapping two month old bologna on WonderBread. 

– It might be just me on this one, but comments really do go a long way in prolonging my desire to keep writing.  If people show even a slight interest in what I’m saying, it tells me that I am not wasting my time and I don’t need to sit in the garage with the car running. 

– Everyone goes through peaks and valleys with their ideas.  I get on a roll sometimes and I come up with enough ideas in one day to last me a few weeks.  Then there are times where I can’t think of a single God damn thing to write.  The comes the dilemma.  Do I write about not being able to think of something to write, or do I just not write?  If I’ve got my back against the wall, I usually just sit down with a delicious Hot Pocket in front of an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” and all the world comes back into clear view again. 

– There are friends to be made on this here thing called the internet.  Case in point, if I’m ever in the Botson area, you can bet your ass I’m gonna look up Beach and make him buy me a beer.  Okay, several beers.  Along those lines, blogging also keeps friends in touch who aren’t lame enough to call each other everyday and gush about how their lives are going (i.e. Hammen, Bigsby, Kos).  I like those guys, but I am not a phone person.  Keeping in touch through the web is easy and there are no awkward silences. 

Man, blogging sure has taught me a lot.  Who would have thought being a dork could yield so much?   

One love,


Simple Things Amuse The Simple Mind

April 23, 2009

Things that have been unusually funny to me as of late:

– Watching birds fly as hard as they can against the wind … only to go backwards, or in the very best case, remain in the same spot.   

–  The number of people who have busted out their shorts already, myself included.  It has crept into the 60s a couple times, and that’s all it takes for roughly a fourth of the local population to make the switch to shorts. 

– That I wrote 1500 words questioning one of the biggest hot-button topics in the world – religion – and still, more people saw my post about hot women by searching for things like “Christine Lakin” or “Emma Watson upskirt pic.”

– I saw the Jehova’s Witness people trying to get into my apartment building the other day.  This is funny because our building is secure-locked from the outside to prevent solicitors.  I’m pretty sure they just started calling random people from the entryway phone hoping someone would let them in.  Meanwhile, I have thought seriously about putting barbed wire around my patio door to deter them from taking that approach. 

– That lately I have been very easily pursuaded into going out on weekdays.  Monday night I got a call from a buddy who wanted to shoot a couple games of pool.  Sounds good, I’m in.  Fast forward to 5:30 am.  I’m more than a dozen drinks deep and I’m playing NHL 09 with him at his girlfriend’s apartment while she is asleep and has to wake up at 7:00.  This is not the first such incident. I got suckered into going out for a beer after work Tuesday night for a co-worker’s birthday, and it turned into a 3:00 am fiasco as well.  Last night I was on the verge of meeting B-Weezy and his girlfriend out for her 21st, but she passed out before 11:00 so I stayed in.  Nevertheless, I was down to go out.  I think I’m getting Jim Hammen Disease.  Not the one where your skin turns all red when you drink, but the one where if someone asks me to do something, anything, three times, I just can’t say no anymore.  No good can come from this.

– That work has become my number one place to blog at.  I have a bunch of busy work to do from 2:00 to 5:30, but since I have developed my own system for getting this stuff done, and I am, in fact, not a moron, I can get done with everything by about 3:30, thus leaving me a couple of hours to myself.  Glorious.

Things that have been unusually frustrating to me as of late:

– Taking vision tests.  I had one for a work physical a couple of weeks ago, and I had one when I renewed my license today.  I have always had 20/20 vision in both eyes, but as of late I haven’t done as well as I’d hoped.  Am I getting old already?  Christ, I’m not even 30 yet.  Maybe what they say about masturbation is true.  Maybe I really am going blind.

– The amount of roadkill I encounter on the way to and from work everyday.  Thank goodness for spring, but on my way to work today I passed FIVE different dead animals that were on the road.  Two skunks, a raccoon, a rabbit, and something that looked like OJ Simpson got to it before I could identify it. All of them smelled to high hell, and all of them forced me to swerve into the other lane to avoid getting doused with blood, guts, spit and ass. 

– I haven’t been able to watch any more than a couple innings of any Twins game yet this year.  Seems like the times they’re broadcasted locally I am always at work, and the days they play when I’m not working aren’t on TV.  FML.

– On that note, I haven’t seen a single NBA Playoff game yet.  I’d be hard-pressed to tell you how any one series is looking right now. 

– Every morning I wake up hoping it will be nice enough to hit the golf course, but it’s either 40 degrees or way too windy.  Can summer please just get here already?  We’ve waited long enough!

– That my at-work blog time is valuable, but can be cut short in a moment’s notice, like it is today.  My boss came in, called me a dork for having a blog, and then gave me some more work to do.  I guess that’s my cue to exit stage left. 

One love,


Look Who’s Sexy Now

April 20, 2009

As I sat around on yet another lazy Monday, I asked myself: “Self, what should I write about today?”  Then, I punched myself in the throat for talking like that.  After I spit up what I imagine to be a life-threatening amount of blood, and I assured myself I’d never talk like that again, I got to thinking … It’s been a while since I’ve honored a few of my favorite ladies with a post.  This is the fourth such installment, and this one even comes with a theme!

Today I’ll be highlighting a handful of lovely ladies who were childhood stars and have grown up to be objects of my affection.  I’ve been sitting on this post for almost four months now and only due to my sheer laziness has it not come to be.  I had my list all the while, but just didn’t feel like trolling Google Images for decent pictures of each of the selected few.

Well, today I got motivated (a self-inflicted punch to the larynx will do that to a guy) and decided there is no better time than now to bring you this post.  Spring is here, the sun is shining, and we’ve all got a little spring fling in us.  Without further ado, the list.

Christine Lakin

As a co-star of one of my favorite childhood shows, “Step By Step,” Christine played Al, the youngest of three girls living in a dysfunctional house with her new step family.  I always had a crush on her character growing up.  She was sarcastic, rude, and a tomboy who was into sports.  It was perfect for the ten year old version of me. For a few seasons, she kind of laid in the weeds while her two sisters gathered most of the attention for their looks, but as she got a little older, my how things changed.  I always knew she was cute, but she became a bonafide knockout over the course of the show.  Since the show was canceled in 1998, Christine has appeared in numerous roles on TV and in movies, just nothing worth mentioning really.  That is just alright by my standards though.  If she got to be too big a star, then I’d have no shot at all with her.  As it stands, I like tricking myself into believing that there is enough alcohol in the world to get her to like me for a couple of hours.


Marguerite Moreau

What a blast from the past this one is.  Little Margie here was a part of a few of the only hockey-related things I’ve ever enjoyed: The Mighty Ducks series.  She too has found a few projects since her days of skating with Emilio Estevez, most notably, starring opposite Gene Hackman in Runaway Jury and getting naked in Easy.  Hammen once declared that if he could stalk but one celebrity, this would be his choice.  Hey Jim, while you’re laundering through her trash, see if you can snap a few pictures of her in a bathrobe for the rest of us huh?


Emma Watson

I don’t think I’ve ever counted the days until a birthday as much as I did waiting for Emma Watson to turn 18.  It was basically just a formality so I could feel more comfortable and less icky while professing my love for her.  Well I am happy to report that as of last week, she turned 19.  So maybe she can’t rent a car or buy me a beer, but she can legally consent to roughly half the things I am willing to do to her behind closed doors.  Emma, after you’re done filming the wizardry that encompasses the rest of the Harry Potter movies, hit me up and I’ll show you some magic of my own.  I have a knack for making morals and self-respect disappear.  Afterwards, I have an equal amount of success in making shame and regret appear.  Ta-dahhhh!


Candace Cameron

Of the possible “Full House” alumni, Candace seemed like the logical choice being as how she is the only one who didn’t reportedly have an addiction to cocaine (Jodie Sweetin, cough!) or an addiciton to not eating (Mary Kate and Ashley, cough!).  Instead, she was busy marrying an NHL all-star and endorsing online Christian homeschooling academies.  Well, I guess no one is perfect, but I can deal with her flaws if she is willing to deal with mine.  Included in mine would be the fact that I didn’t make assloads of money playing in the NHL, and I have a tendency to fart at inopportune times.  Seems like a small price to pay if you ask me.


Hilary Duff

This is another one I had a crush on from the get-go.  It all started when I watched an episode of “Lizzy McGuire” with my younger sister.  Although my love for her bordered on pedophilia, I knew she would be a mega hottie, so I stuck with it despite the criticisms I took for being an 17 year old who religiously watched the Disney Channel just to see an underage girl.  Now she’s got it all.  A successful movie career, multi-platinum albums, her own clothing line, and a boyfriend in the NHL, (seriously, what is it with these hockey players? I never knew toothless, uneducated Canadians were so attractive). Hilary, if you’re ever looking for a more down to Earth kinda guy, and one who actually has an IQ in the triple digits, you feel free to look me up.


Danielle Fishel

Upon seeing the first season of “Boy Meets World,” if you had told me Danielle Fishel would turn out to be as hot as she is now, I would have told you that sounded about as likely as Mr. Pheeney being the kids’ teacher for EVERY SINGLE YEAR from third grade through college.  Nevertheless, a significant change did indeed occur over the course of that show, and Topanga went from being nothing more than the dorky, four-eyed product of hippie parents all the way to a vuluptuous siren that kept Corey Matthews roped in for his entire life.  Really, can you blame him?


And thus concludes my collection of girls who I spent my childhood watching, and I now spend my adulthood Googling with the hopes that some kind of sex scandal pics will show up some day.  Hey, a guy can dream can’t he?

One love,


Sundays Are For Football

April 14, 2009

I’m not gonna lie, there are going to be some people who don’t like what I am about to write.  It may even offend some people.  But I am not out to offend anyone, I am simply going to state my opinion about a somewhat controversial topic.

Let’s start from the beginning.  I was raised a good Catholic boy.  We weren’t a family of religious fanatics or anything, but we attended church regularly on Sundays, and absolutely every religious holiday.   Personally, I never got into the whole thing, but I went because I didn’t really have a choice.  As I got older, I started to form my own opinions about the stuff the church was talking about each week, but more importantly, I started to form my own opinions about organized religion.

The more I thought about it, the more I got to thinking that organized religion is – for lack of a better word – bullshit.  I always knew I didn’t like going to church, but as the years went by, I realized that there is nothing a church can offer me that I can’t get myself, were I so inclined.  Nothing.  Think about all the things a church offers, and I bet I can find another scenario in which the same service is offered.  Let’s take a look at the checklist, shall we?

Q: A weekly meeting where people who need guidance dress up and seek to better themselves in the eyes of others?
A: They call that Alcoholic’s Anonymous. Next.

Q: Lessons passed down from the Bible?
A: Last time I checked, the Bible was the number one selling book in the world.  Yes, you too can own your very own copy and read it at your leisure.  After all, isn’t this 90% of church anyway?  They read a passage and talk about it.  Doesn’t take a genius to do that.  Next.

Q: Stale bread and shitty wine like they serve at communion?
A: I’m sure a homeless man will sell you his for $10.  Just gotta ask.  Next.

Q: Off-key singing and questionable piano playing of the same songs time after time?
A: I think the local high schools have monthly choir concerts.  Any more brain busters?

I think you get my drift.  The older I got, the more absurd the concept of organized religion became in my mind.   It was easier and easier to get away with after I moved out of my parents’ house, as they no longer were able to physically roll me out of bed Sunday mornings for mass.  However, things came to a bit of a rough spot on Sunday.  My mom had called me Friday night to tell me that Easter church was at 10:30 Sunday morning, and we were going to meet up at her house at 10:00 and ride together as a family. I begrudgingly agreed to partake, even though in the back of my mind I wished there was a way I could get out of it.

Without really thinking of the repercussions of my actions, I met a few friends out for a few beers on Saturday night.  I ended up being out kind of late and didn’t get what I imagine most doctors consider to be  “good, rejuvenating sleep.”  So when Easter Sunday arrived, and my alarm clock went off at 9:00, I did the first thing that came to mind; I turned it off.  I then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep.  Then came the phone call I knew was coming.  At 10:08 am, my mother called.

I told her that I changed my mind about going to church that morning and I would see her at Nana’s for dinner.  She was less than pleased, but I’m 25 and I have been living on my own for six years, so what can she really say?  She voiced her disappointment to me, but I didn’t hear much of it because I was still 75% asleep.

Later that day, I opened up and told her everything.  How I hated church, and not just going to church, but the idea of church. How I despised organized religion, and how I felt like both were a supreme waste of time and resources.  She asked me to back up my opening arguments, which I gladly did.  I ran down a list of things that, to me, qualifies churches as nothing but a scam.

-People tell you go to to church so you can be right with God.  Fair enough, but why can’t I be “right with God” from the comfort of my own home and on my own time?  Do I really need to put on a pair of Dockers and sit in a wooden bench with dozens of senior citizens surrounding me to get God’s approval?  Do I really need to stand up and sit down on someone else’s command to lip-sync songs and mumble prayers that mean literally nothing to me?  Is that what it’s all about?

– On that note, people always say that God is all-knowing and all-seeing.  Well if He is in fact both of those things, then He sees that I am genuinely a good person and that I don’t worship Satan, and He knows that I do actually believe in His existence.  What does a building with a wooden cross on the roof offer me if God already knows I am on His side?

– People are also always talking about God’s Will and how we are all a part of God’s Divine Plan.  Okay, if God indeed has a Divine Plan, and He plans to do things at His will, then what’s the point?  For those on board with these thoughts, they should recognize that if God has such a plan, it isn’t going to get changed to taylor-fit everyone.  What kind of supreme entity would God be if He altered His plan for every person willing to sit in a church for an hour a week?

– As I said before, churches appear to offer no service that cannot be attained by any one person were they so inclined.  This includes confession, which I find to be the most disgusting part of organized religion.  What is the thought process behind telling another person all of your mortal sins?  Aren’t you supposed to give your sins up to God and seek His approval?  Instead you’re sitting in a big wooden porta-john telling some guy in the hopes that he’ll pass the word along.  And what do you get in return?  You have to sit in the church for three hours saying prayers to repent.  Whoopee, I feel so much better now.  No.  If God is indeed all-knowing, then He knows if you’re sorry for your sins, and therefore you have no need to tell some guy just because he wears a white band under his collar and a funny robe.  Keep your dirty laundry to yourself.

– And finally, religion takes in billions of dollars, and pays no taxes.  None.  Every week, millions of people nationwide go to church, and each one of them gets hit up for money like they just walked by a homeless guy outside of Quizno’s.  Doesn’t seem completely right to me.  I am not saying church is some big scheme to do nothing but swindle people’s money away from them, (although there are plenty of those incidents on the books), but if I’m going to just hand my money over, I want it to be to an institution that will actually help someone.   Charities are feeding the homeless, sheltering battered women, raising orphan children, fighting diseases, and doing everything they can to make the world a better place.  What is the church doing with its money?  Installing new marble fountains and buying the priest a new car.  And they have the decency to ask for more every week?  Sounds like someone is in need of a “HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?”

I welcome other opinions about this, just don’t call me a blasphemous, devil-loving demon simply because I don’t need some guy reading the Bible to me every Sunday in order to accept my beliefs.  I’m good right where I’m at.  Me and God, we’re tight yo.

On that note, I’ll leave you with a quote I got from a while back from one of the funniest guys I’ve ever known.

“There must be something wrong with the church I go to, because everytime I go, they have a Christmas tree up.”

One love,


I’d Be More Apathetic If I Weren’t So Lethargic

April 9, 2009

Lately, my internal schedule has been all out of whack.  I can’t explain it.  I think I’m still on Japan time … only I’ve never been to Japan, so you explain it to me.  Work has been going really well, but it’s outside of work that I just can’t seem to get adjusted to a set schedule.  My gym habits have gone out the window, my sleep schedule is about as normal as a Twilight Zone episode, I never have the energy to do my everyday tasks and errands, and I am eating once a day.  I can’t figure it out anymore, and I am sick of trying.

For example, I get home from work around 10:45 every night.  Whether I go to bed at 4:00 am or 10:47 pm, I can’t get out of bed in the morning.  It’s getting ridiculous.  I feel the exact same whether I get 4 hours of sleep or 11 hours of sleep, as long as I can sleep til about 9 or 10 every morning. It’s pathetic. I don’t even know  how to explain it. 

All I know is that I wake up with absolutely zero ambition toward gettting anything done.  I’ve had a load of laundry staring me down for over a week.  I haven’t super-cleaned my apartment in almost a month (and I used to do it once a week). 

I think I need a vacation.  At the very least, I need the weather to keep getting a little better day by day.  I think that will really bring me up.  I feel like I’m stir crazy, only the opposite.  Does that even make sense?  I’ll elaborate.  I think the fact that I have become so accustomed to just sitting on my ass all the time due to winter has made me somewhat lethargic. I’m sure I will come around in no time, I’m just in a bit of a rut.  I wish I had more time today, but I am at work, (and on a conference call to boot) and time is a factor.  I’ll get more into this tomorrow perhaps.  That is, if I’m feeling up to it. 

One love,


P.S. If anyone recognizes the TV show that my title came from, I’ll be mighty, mighty impressed.

Domination Station

April 7, 2009

It feels good.  Okay, “good” isn’t doing justice.  It feels great to see the Tar Heels win their second National Title in four years.  It feels great to see Roy Williams hoist a trophy with his own recruits, effectively silencing all the people who said he can’t recruit and he’s a major choke artist in the big game (which he is now 2-2 in).  It feels great to see a group of guys who came back to school for the sole purpose of winning a title actually win it.  It feels great to take top honors in my bracket pool after falling behind to a trio of girls who knew their stuff and got on a roll early.

Say what you will about the game.  Yeah, it was a blowout from top to bottom.  Disappointing to watch for a title game?  Yes.  Uninteresting for any non-Heels fan?  Possibly.  Boring? Not in my book.  In my opinion, we got to watch the best team in the country play excellent basketball for about 36 minutes.  It felt like they took four minutes off or so at the beginning of the second half, but other than that, that was about as well as you could ever expect a team to play, and it was in the National Championship game to boot.

They were dominant on both sides of the court.  Their offense was hot from the get-go.  It seemed like they couldn’t miss the entire first half.  They physically abused the Spartans in the paint, and they hit the shots from outside that they should have been hitting.  They played swarming defense, forced turnovers, scored in transition … Michigan State literally didn’t have an answer.  There weren’t enough timeouts in the world for Tom Izzo to get his boys settled in.

In their defense, State is a pretty young team, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they made another run next year or the year after.  Carolina had a ton of tournament experience between their starting five, and you can’t help but think that that was a major factor in the lopsided victory.  They kept their cool when the ran out in front of 65,000 Spartan fans and effectively took them out of the game early by going on a tear right off the bat.  Once the crowd was out of it, State had absolutely nothing working in its favor.

I really don’t have much to say that won’t be said a thousand times on SportsCenter over the next 24 hours, but I can tell you this: I came into this tournament – hell, this preseason- EXPECTING Carolina to win it all.  After last season, I knew that if the whole squad came back it was lights out for everyone else.  So seeing the win last night was an excellent experience, but I think it would have been more rewarding if I hadn’t been expecting it to happen since last May.

Nevertheless, this provides a fantastic relief after being mercilessly punished by some of my other teams over the past few years.  Yes, I’m looking at you Titans, Buckeyes, Twins, and Timberwolves.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go touch myself to highlights of the game.

One love,