Archive for November 2009

Thursday Randomness

November 19, 2009

Just a few things I’ve got tumbling around in my overly large head lately:

-Black Friday is right around the corner.  We’re T-minus 7 days and change before the mayhem begins.  I plan to assemble the usual suspects and be part of the carnage for the fourth straight year, and I can only hope it will be as fun as past years have been.  With that being said, I got super pumped when a few of the major retailers’ Black Friday ad papers leaked over the past week.  Wal Mart, Target, Best Buy, Sears, and Office Max are among the handful of stores whose ads have meandered onto the interweb.  Best Buy is our first stop every year, but I was completely underwhelmed by their ad thus far.  Whether or not it remains unchanged will determine how badly I want to go there.  Most of their big ticket sales are being bettered by Target or Wal Mart in their REGULAR ad papers for next week.  Come on Best Buy, it’s a recession.  You gotta pull out all the stops and wow us.  I don’t have a wish list made up just yet, but as I’ve done in past years, I plan to get roughly 80-90% of my Christmas shopping done between the hours of 5:00 am and 10:00 am, despite any turkey hangover I may have. Speaking of which …

-I am going to be graced by not one, but two Thanksgivings this year.  (Can I get an amen?)  Both Jess and I will be having Thanksgiving dinner twice, once with my family, once with hers.   We both have extended fam coming in from out of town, and I’m never one to turn down a good meal, and so it was written.  If it works out the way I’m picturing, I will probably end up eating two enormous meals within a four or five hour span.  Queue the sweatpants, please.  I’ll be sure to have a bed on standby after the second meal so I can pass out in a food coma for a solid 13 hours. 

-Since Jess and I are hoping for a wedding in June, we have a lot to do to plan for it, and roughly six months in which to do it. Most recently, we started working on the guest list.  We sat down and brainstormed, and using only our brains, our phones, and Facebook (of course), we have a tentative list that came in at 154.  Most of those will come with guests, some with families, so I’d be willing to up the actual number to around 325.  And that’s just from a one hour brainstorm session.  I shudder to think at how big this thing is going to be when it’s all said and done. (That’s what she said).  Then again, they say only 70% of people invited actually show up.  Well, 70% of 325 is 227.5 … All I can think when I see that number is: Where the hell are we going to get half a chair for that half a person? 

-Like my interweb friend BeachBum, I too am dabbling in the thought of shopping for a new car.  Gladys and I are coming up on our ten year anniversary, and even though she’s still performing just fine, it may be time for a change.  But, there is one caveat.  Since Gladys has been fully paid off for some time now, and since it costs roughly $14 a month to insure, I’ll probably keep her around for times when I need a pickup or a spare vehicle.  So even though an informal search has begun, she needn’t feel slighted.  She’ll still be in the picture.

-Lately, there has been a big push to get all of the bars in North Dakota to be smoke-free environments.  I’m a huge supporter of this, and since Minnesota did it a couple years ago, I think it’s time its neighbor to the west followed suit.  The main focus of the ad campaigns locally state that people have a right to work in a place that doesn’t force them to be subjected to dangerous secondhand smoke.  Opponents say that if people don’t want to deal with secondhand smoke, don’t work there.  Well, it’s a fair argument, but I think now more than ever we’re realizing that people can’t always be selective and picky when it comes to employment.  Let’s face it, there are a lot of people whose only true qualifications could land them a job in a restaurant or bar.  That’s just the truth.  With that in mind, it seems unfair to narrow a person’s already slim job choices if they are someone who is not able to be around secondhand smoke.  Every once in a while comes along a story of a person who worked in a restaurant or bar for 20 years, and died of lung cancer before they turned 50, not because they were a smoker, but because of all the secondhand smoke they were around.  It’s not the 1950s anymore, we know what this stuff can do to people.  It’s time to start protecting those who have taken it upon themselves to be smoke-free.  Think of it like this: Would you work in a place where they allowed the customers to carry guns?  I wouldn’t either.  The number of accidental gun deaths per year, of people in all age groups, is 1,500.  That’s just the accidental deaths.  That doesn’t even take into account homicides.  Now compare that to 3,000 nonsmokers who die every year of lung cancer as a result of exposure to secondhand smoke.  Think it’s time we made a change? I do. 

One love,


Who Says?

November 14, 2009

Tuesday marks the release of John Mayer’s latest album, Battle Studies. Before you start calling me a latent homosexual sissy-pants for liking, nay, LOVING John Mayer, perhaps I can sway you not to with two words … please don’t.  He’s come a long way from how you probably remember him on MTV back in 2001, and his music is nothing like it used to be.  Much more blues-inspired, and a lot less douchey-frat-boyish.

Anyway, the first single off of that album is entitled “Who Says” and its words beckon us to let people be who they are.  In it, he asks:

Who says I can’t be free
From all of the things that I used to be
Rewrite my history
Who says I can’t be free?

I’ve listened to the song a couple, thirteen, fourteen times, and it got me thinking.  Who says I can’t do what I want?  I mean, if John Mayer is gonna put it out there, I’m gonna run with it.  So, even though mine aren’t going to be all rhyming and fancy and stuff, I’ve compiled a list of things that I’d like to be pardoned from the record when you decide whether or not I’m a loser.

-Who says I can’t eat Cocoa Puffs for all three meals in a day on a Sunday when I don’t feel like cooking?  I mean, I love those damn things, and if I ever found myself on a deserted island with nothing but a bowl, a spoon, and an endless supply of milk and Cocoa Puffs, then I think I’d be just fine.  Matter of fact, I’d quite prefer it that way.

-Who says I can’t spend a Saturday night watching HGTV with my fiance’s parents?  If Jess is out of town, and I don’t feel like doing anything, then bring on the sweatpants, get me a comfy chair, and let’s plow through some shows about houses and shit.

-Who says I can’t buy a log of Nestle chocolate chip cookie dough with absolutely no aspirations of EVER portioning it out and actually baking cookies?  So what if I want to put it in a bowl and eat it raw with a spoon.  That’s my cross to bear.  Lay off me, I’m starving.

-Who says I can’t secretly listen to Katy Perry songs at work when no one else is around?  If a guy wants to YouTube “Hot N Cold” like sixteen straight times, then let him be.  And while we’re at it, I’m probably gonna watch the “Single Ladies” video by Beyonce a handful of times too.

-Who says I can’t sleep with a stuffed penguin?  Yeah, I’m 26, but we’re a good match, and I’m not gonna let what anyone thinks ruin a potentially good night’s sleep.  I’ve had him for almost five years now, and he is easily worth his weight in gold.

–Who says I can’t buy a box of Uncrustables peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and plow through two or three of them on the car ride home?  Those things are delicious, and are so addicting, I’m beginning to wonder if there are trace amounts of heroine in them.  Clayton, you know what I’m talking about on this one, back me up.

UncrustablesYou’re telling me you couldn’t eat half a dozen of those right now?

–Who says I can’t talk to myself even though I don’t live alone anymore?  Sure, I run the risk of getting caught much more easily than before, but old habits just don’t die that easy.  So let’s just be clear about this one; I’m going to continue to narrate my Nintendo Wii Tennis matches when I think no one else is home, and I will call the other team a couple of fart-smelling hookers in the hopes that no one else hears me.  If they do, well, they just learned a new insult. And speaking of Nintendo Wii …

–Who says I can’t forgo blogging for a week while I polish my Wii skills?  I’m now an ace on the tennis court, I officially take all challengers.  I’m pretty fair in all of the other Wii Sports games as well.  Regardless, I had a very uneventful week, and it was nice to just veg out before work for a few days.  If I had posted something, I would have had to force it, and it probably would have been bad.  Worse than the stuff I actually post.

One love,


Bullet Attack

November 3, 2009

Since I took a week or so off, we’ve got some catching up to do.  And when I’ve got a multitude of things to cover, I like to attack it bullet point style.  Let’s get right into it. 

–The last two weeks have been pretty good for my sports teams.  Ohio State has won their last two games in convincing fashion, including their most recent win; a 45-0 stomping of New Mexico State.  The Titans had a bye last week, marking the first Sunday all year they didn’t embarrass themselves, so that was nice.  Then they beat Jacksonville this past Sunday, so bonus nachos.  Kerry Collins is out and (gulp) Vince Young is in.  Hang on to your hats, folks, this could get interesting. 

–In other sports news, the bet between JK and I about the Vikings is getting interesting since they’ve propelled themselves to a 7-1 start and sit atop the NFC North.  Remember, if they make the Super Bowl, I have to buy a Brett Favre jersey and wear it seven straight days, the seventh being Super Bowl Sunday.  A picture will be taken of me each day holding the newspaper to verify, and each picture will be posted right here on this very blog for tens of people to see.  Conversely, if the Vikes fail to make the big game, then JK has to take a video of himself crying on his cell phone and send it to me.  That video will then be posted here.  I take a great deal of comfort in the fact that the road to the Super Bowl currently goes through New Orleans, and the more I watch them, the more I think Drew Brees would absolutely demolish the Vikings’ secondary.  A lot of pride and roughly $65 is on the line with this one.  Stay tuned to see how it unravels.

–What else … Oh, I found the next thing that will inevitably consume the bulk of my free time in the coming months:  Nintendo Wii.  Jess has one, and I am officially hooked.  I know I’m WAY behind the curve on this one, but I was always content with my Xbox 360.  Until now.  Wii Tennis is the greatest thing, maybe ever.  Of course, being the competitor I am, I wagered a challenge to Jess prior to playing.  I believe I can be quoted as saying that I would “take her to the woodshed” and “beat her like a rented mule.”  Little did I know, she’s an ace.  Not only did she beat me three times in a row, but she spent the third game sitting on the couch with her legs crossed drinking a Diet Mt. Dew, and STILL beat my ass.  No joke.  I finally got her number in the fourth game, and I have since pulled a little closer to even with her skill-wise (after putting in about 3 hours of practice), but man, that was emasculating, it was embarrassing, it was disgraceful. Let’s not talk about it anymore. 

–Have you heard about this H1N1 thing going around?  Apparently it’s spreading like wildfire.  I’ve never really been afraid of getting sick, but I work with 25 other people everyday, and I’d be willing to bet that at least 15 of them have been sick over the past two weeks.  I guess it’s the nature of our business, being as my work groups are handling more packages than a hooker on the corner of Main and Broadway, but that only intensifies my fear of what kind of disease could be traveling around in our warehouse.  I’ve really spent a lot of time washing my hands and using hand sanitizer lately, just as a precautionary, and so far so good.  I can’t say I’m afraid of getting H1N1 per se, because I know I’m healthy enough to shake it off, but everyone I know that’s had it has been absolutely miserable for upwards of a week.  I just hate being sick, even for a day.  I do think that the media is still blowing the whole thing way out of proportion though, but that’s another post for another day. 

–I hate the New York Yankees with everything inside of me.  Julie, you live in New York.  Any chance I could get you to walk down to Yankee Stadium and pee on it for me?  Let me know. 

–We officially made it to November without any accumulated snow, which was my personal goal.  It’s been getting progressively colder as the days go by, but we managed to escape any major snowfall thus far.  So we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.

–According to the little counter thingie at the right hand side of my home page, I have eclipsed 50,000 views since I started posting.  Even though I have to imagine 22,000 of those have come from Eric visiting the site 16 times a day only to see that I haven’t posted, 50 grand isn’t half bad.  Thanks are due to everyone who has been reading and commenting. 

–What else??  I feel like I’m forgetting something.  Hang on, I’ll think for a minute.  (Jeopardy music plays.)  Hmm, I guess that’s it for now.  Nothing else has really happened in the past week or so. 

One love,


… Oh yeah, I remember now.  Jess and I got engaged last Thursday.  I knew I was forgetting something.