Archive for October 2009

Movin’ On Up

October 29, 2009

I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t have much time right now so I’m gonna make this short and sweet.  Sorry for the recent time off, but I had to take some time to set into motion my most recent life-altering change.  Last week I began packing up my apartment, and then over the weekend, I moved everything out.  A lot of my things went into storage, I donated a bunch to my sister, who recently moved into her own apartment (more on that in a minute), and the remainder – the things I need on a daily basis – came with me to my new home … my girlfriend’s parents’ house. 

Yeah, we covered this already, and if you haven’t made fun of me yet for it, this is the second of what I assume will be many, many opportunities to rip on me.  However, I’m liking it so far.  I got all moved in Sunday, spent Monday cleaning up my old place, and I have spent the last couple days slowly taking my stuff out of boxes and putting my new room together. 

Back to my sister.  She spent Sunday moving out of my Dad’s house and into her own apartment.  So, I find it slightly ironic that at the exact same time I, being 26 years old, moved out of my apartment and in with Jess and her parents, my sister, who is 21 years old, moved out on her own.  Agreeable symmetry?  Perhaps.  Depressing? Not in my opinion.  Downright funny?  Absolutely. 

I’m very pleased with my new digs thus far.  I’ve got plenty of my own space, I’m always there alone before work, there’s actually food in the kitchen, and my bedroom is quiet, one thing that was not so in my old apartment.  It’s been an extremely easy transition, thanks mostly to how helpful everyone has been.  I expect that I’ll be back to a normal routine by this weekend, and then I’ll be back to my normal writing habits.  It’s funny how over the past week, I had probably five or six ideas that would have made solid posts, but I didn’t have time to write them, and I have since forgotten them completely.  Eh, I’ll figure something out. 

Like I said, though, time is a factor, so I must be going.  I’ll be back in full force by Monday. 

One love,


Don’t Give Peace A Chance

October 14, 2009

Recently, I was asked by one of my newer readers to discuss the overuse of the backward peace sign, and how it needs to be pronounced dead.  Despite the fact that I more than dabbled with such a peace sign in my early 20s (and hell, maybe into my mid 20s too), I decided to take on such a request.  However, I’m modifying it just slightly.  I am going to break down why all peace signs should be left for dead.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but since none of us are Paul McCartney, we don’t have to worry about those exceptions.

Now I could sit here and talk until I’m blue in the face, but as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Granted, I’m going to throw in a few of my own words, but I think the pictures will mostly speak for themselves.  So submitted for your approval, here are a handful of reasons for you to consider what you should do with your hands before you take a picture, pass someone in traffic, or greet someone from afar:


Okay, as you can clearly see, I’m pulling out all the stops, cutting right to the chase, going straight to the bimbos.  The double peace sign can say many things;  “Look, I’m wearing bracelets AND my wristband from the hospital visit when the had to pump all the Sour Apple Pucker out of my stomach last night” seems to be fitting here.

Lindsay Lohan

Really?  Do I even have to say anything here?  I can see why she chose to throw her peace sign with her right hand, as she is showing off her wristband from rehab (which, by the looks of her eyes, she obviously didn’t complete).  Had she used her left hand, then we would have gotten the pleasure of an even more prevalent shot of her ring that appears to be in the shape of an “F”.  Apparently she forgot her matching “M” and “L” rings that night.  I blame it on the alcohol.


Although Chris Brown is showing us two different peace signs here, both of them can be filed under the “I like to beat up my superstar singer girlfriend and kick her out of the car on the side of the road” type of peace signs.  The bow tie in the picture on the right slightly classes up that peace sign, but since it is being delivered at a 45-degree angle, the points were immediately deducted.


Whoops, I don’t know how this pic slipped in here.  I was planning on using this for my “What’s Your IQ?” post.  Or was it for my “How Many Terms Should I NOT Have Been Elected To Presidential Office” post?  No, now I remember.  It was for my “I Read And Speak At A ______ Grade Level” post.


If Miley Cyrus isn’t a poster child for everything people age 18 and older shouldn’t do, then I don’t know who is.  Also on that list: go out in public without touching your hair, and carrying a purse that is nearly double your weight.


And here we have the “I’m going to cheat on my boyfriend and alienate all of our mutual friends in doing as such, therefore leading to the inevitability that I won’t talk to any of them anymore” peace sign.  No, this is not my ex, but the ex of a very close friend.  There’s a 60% chance she’ll see this, and a 100% chance I won’t care.

Before we get too far off topic, I should wrap things up.  As I’ve shown you here today, throwing up peace signs is a sure fire way to deplete your friends list faster than you can say “whoop whoop.”  In summation, the peace sign, ladies and gentlemen, is dead.  Let it go in peace, no pun intended.  For if you cling to it, then you are no better than this guy …


Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

One love,


The Evil Empire

October 11, 2009

Game 2 of the Twins-Yankees series was a tough one for me to swallow.  With the Twins up 3-1 in the bottom of the 9th, all they had to do was lean on one of the best closers of the decade to get three outs and then we come back to Minneapolis with the series tied 1-1.  Instead, Joe Nathan got behind in the count to A-Rod with a man on base, left a pitch hanging over the plate which was promptly escorted out of the zip code, and all of a sudden it’s a tie game.

Even more upsetting was Joe Mauer’s lead-off ground rule double in the top of the 11th inning which was incorrectly ruled a foul ball.  He would get on base with a single, but the two base hits behind him would have surely scored him had the right call been made originally.  Instead, he was stranded on base, and the Yankees would score the winning run in the bottom half of the inning.  The umps have officially apologized, but this just gives me yet another reason to hate the Yankees with everything inside of me.  They’re like the rich guy who wins the lottery with a ticket he finds on the street.  They don’t need the lucky/bullshit breaks like this to sway in their favor.  All close calls should be automatically defaulted to the Twins.

In case you actually needed them, here are three reasons why you should be rooting for the Twins and hoping the Yankees all catch herpes from each other and overdose on HGH right before their team plane crashes into Lake Michigan and they all die in a fiery pit of burning hell:

A) The Twins develop talent in their farm league, and actually bring those players up and keep them in their system. They actually win games with them.  The Yankees simply throw a shitload of money at whomever they feel like buying that particular day.  Granted, since Major League Baseball is run by idiots, this isn’t prohibited by any means, but it’s admirable that the Twins are doing it in a way that can be perceived as much more pure than the Yanks, and still making it to the playoffs fairly consistently.

2) The Yankees’ payroll is right around $208.1 million this season, the highest in baseball and a whopping $63 million more than the second highest.  Meanwhile, the Twins’ payroll is $67.6 million, the ninth least in the big leagues, and less than a third of what the Darth Vaders, er, I mean, Yankees are paying.  Just think, what if we could get rid of the Yankees and use that payroll money to have three more Twins teams?  What a world it would be. To put it into further perspective, at $33 million, Alex Rodriguez is making nearly half of the entire Twins roster this year, BY HIMSELF.

D) Jeter, Rodriguez, Damon, Swisher, Cabrera, Teixeira, Cano, Posada, and Matsui … Remind me, how the hell did the Yankees not win 130 games this year? That could be the lineup for a God damn All Star game.  Meanwhile, the Twins are in the playoffs, and got there without Justin Morneau, Joe Crede, Fransisco Liriano (mostly), and Kevin Slowey.  Instead they relied on guys named Blackburn, Tolbert, Span, and Kubel.  I’ll say this, and then I’ll let it rest: The Twins coaching staff could win 115 games every year with the amount of talent the Yankees have on their roster.

In other news, news that doesn’t make me want to fly to New York and kill 25 people,  the weather up here has officially cooled off.  Just over two weeks ago I was wearing shorts, and now the temperature is hanging around in the 30s and 40s everyday.  I’m not upset about it, because it’s an inevitability and there’s nothing I can do about it.  Rather, I’m disappointed that we kind of skipped a step.  We went straight from 80 degrees to 30 in the blink of an eye.  We never got to enjoy that “keep the windows open all day, enjoy the leaves changing colors, you can wear shorts during the day but need to put a sweatshirt on at night when it cools off” kind of phase.  I love that phase, it might be one of my favorites of the year.  Instead, I went from running the air conditioner all day to closing up all the windows and keeping a blanket nearby.  The leaves never changed colors, they all just died and fell off the trees.  We’re long past shorts weather and into full-blown jacket weather.  It has even managed to snow a few times over this weekend, even though it was just a few instances of light flakes and none of it accumulated.  Quite sad, really.

Since I am currently balls deep in the NFL and the President’s Cup, I’m gonna cut this one off here.  I have received a viewer’s choice request for a post that I’ll start working on either tomorrow or Tuesday (yes, I do take requests), so until then, enjoy whatever is left of your weekend.

One love,


There’s No Place Like Dome

October 7, 2009

I’ve been a Twins fan for as long as I can remember.  I’ve been blessed to have been able to be in attendance for at least one game every season since 1991, with the exception of a couple summers ago when I was  working 70 hours a week for the entire summer.  I was at game seven of the 1991 World Series to watch the Twins beat the Braves with a walk-off single in the bottom of the 1oth inning.  I’ve seen Kirby Puckett hit homeruns, I’ve seen Torii Hunter rob homeruns. I’ve seen Jack Morris pitch ten nearly perfect innings to earn a complete game shutout, I’ve seen Johan Santana strike out double digits in a single outing. I saw Francisco Liriano make his first start in a Twins uniform, and I shook Torii Hunter’s hand in his last season in a Twins uniform.

All of these memories and so many more come from the Metrodome, so needless to say, I’m sad to see that it will no longer be the home of the Twins. With that being said, I was understandably excited to be heading to Minneapolis to be in attendance of the last scheduled regular season Twins game in the Metrodome.  Yeah, this was a big deal for me, especially considering the ramifications of the game.  The Twins, after being three games back in the AL Central with only four games to play, would clinch the title with a win and a Tigers loss.  Well the Twins held up their end of the deal, but the damn Tigers just wouldn’t roll over and die, so for the second season in a row, a one game playoff was needed to decide the winner of the AL Central.  But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s rewind a little to Sunday’s game against the Royals.

Jess, being the forward thinker she is, secured tickets to this game way back in April, so she was able to score amazing seats without paying a thousand bucks like I’m sure some people did.  We were on the third base line, seven rows above the Twins dugout.  Yeah, I could have sneezed on Michael Cuddyer were I so inclined.  That’s how close we were.  The game was electric.  51, 155 people were in attendance to watch the Twins beat down the Royals 13-4 on the legs of Jason Kubel’s two homeruns and a well-pitched game by Carl Pavano.  I could sit here and talk about the game in detail for an hour, but I suspect that none of the little things that made the game for me would translate into what can be considered interesting to anyone else.

After the game, the Dome was honored with a ceremony in which a season-long countdown of the top 100 moments in Metrodome history was concluded by showing the top ten.  Also, some of the greatest Twins to have ever played in the Dome were introduced during the ceremony, and it was all capped off with the naming of the All Metrodome team.  It was pretty emotional, especially thanks to the win the Twins had just notched, thereby prolonging their season at least one more game.  Eyewitness reports may state that I got a little choked up during the ceremony, and some may even say that I welled up with tears … twice.  However, I can neither confirm or deny those allegations.

Okay fine, I got teary-eyed. Okay fine, it was twice.  I can’t help it.  You can’t expect me to keep it together when they start talking about Kirby Puckett like that.  He was a big focal point in the top ten Metrodome moments countdown (including having two moments in the top five), and he was of course inducted into the All Metrodome team, which was followed by a long moment of silence to honor him, and then a standing ovation that seemed to last a good three minutes, and then the introduction of his son, Kirby Jr.  I mean, how am I supposed to keep it together with all of that stuff?! What am I, a robot?!?! If Hammen can cry in the middle of downtown Lawrence after KU wins the title, then I am allowed to choke back tears when Kirby Puckett Jr. is introduced as “the son of the greatest Twins player to have ever lived.”  Seriously, it was really something else.

Anyway, despite the fact that we technically weren’t in attendance for the last game in the Metrodome, I’m glad it ended up that way.  Had we been there for the last game, it would mean that the Twins would have lost, and not moved on to beat the Tigers last night in 12 nail-biting innings to advance to the playoffs.  Just more Metrodome magic if you ask me.

Now they need to make something of this postseason berth.  Seriously, I’m beginning to get scared that if the Twins can’t give Joe Mauer a World Series ring soon, he is going to leave for greener pastures.  Then we’ll start doing desperate things like calling and hanging up at night, driving by his house, adding him to Facebook four times a day despite his constant declining, and asking everyone if he misses us.  Then he’ll counter by telling us, Beyonce style, that if we liked it then we shoulda put a ring on it.  We don’t want that.  Let’s face it, he would just look strange in a unitard and high heels. 

JoeMauerYeah, that’s just creepy.

One love,