27 Is The New Bitter

A couple of months ago, I turned 27.  To anyone younger than me, I am getting old.  To those older than me, I’m not even close to old.  I’ve always subscribed to the adage that you’re only as old as you feel.  I don’t feel like I’m getting old, however I am starting to notice a change in my thought process towards a few things.

As I approach 30, I am becoming very aware that some of the things I used to be exposed to, and hell, some things I used to participate in, are now the bane of my existence.  I’ll try to elaborate.

When I was in college, I found teenagers to be just plain annoying.  In a few different ways, I’d look at someone in high school and think, “Man, I hope I wasn’t a giant douche like that when I was in high school.” Chances are, I was.  But once I entered my 20s, I found that typical teenage behavior bothered me to no end.

Now that I’m removed from college, it’s no longer just the teens that annoy me, it’s college students too.  That’s when I knew I was getting old.  I find myself annoyed with people in their early 20s, and what’s more, I find myself acting like a pseudo-parent to teens (in my own head, not in an outward fashion).  For example, if I encounter a group of teens, and it’s a bunch of boys with their pants falling off their asses, their Hollister shirts two sizes too small, and their Hurley hats perched sideways atop their overgrown mess of a mop they call hair, I’m instantly annoyed.  In my head I’m saying, “Get a haircut, pull your pants up, put your hat on like it’s supposed to be worn, and wear clothes that fit.”

If it were a group of girls, chances are they’d all be wearing shorts that barely cover their ass cheeks, shirts that are way too low cut, and way too much makeup.  And meanwhile, all I can think is that I want to call their parents and ask if they know how their daughters are dressed in public (even though, ten years ago, that same scene would have caused me to follow them for an hour and shamelessly hit on them).  My how time changes things.

And I chalk it up to the fact that I am getting older.  Yet another example: If you offered me $100 per hour to listen to the top 40 station on the radio, I don’t think I could do it.  I cannot stand anything they play.  If I’m running through the dial, and I come across one of those stations, it seriously just sounds like noise to me.  Now I know how my Dad felt when he heard me listening to Ice Cube all those years.  I can’t turn it fast enough. I think I’d rather listen to a recording of a person swinging a bag full of cats against a brick wall for two hours.

Facebook is another one.  I have been a Facebook user since 2005, so I’ve been around long enough to remember the old school Facebook.  Now, I’ll admit that it is an excellent way to keep in touch with people, and communicate with others, but for me, it has lost 99% of its appeal.

I really attribute most of that to the fact that it became a zoo.  When it started, Facebook was only for people with a valid college e-mail address.  There were no games, there were no applications, no events, no causes.  Now I can’t even log in without having a half dozen invites to stupid events, requests to “Like” stuff that I don’t even like, and people wanting me to join groups for asinine causes.

Here’s the deal, folks.  I don’t want to join your group, I don’t want to water your fake flowers or feed your fake animals, I don’t want to “Like” what you “Like,” and if you have to invite me on Facebook, I am not coming to your event.  I don’t want to be a zombie, I don’t want to be in the mob, I don’t want to be a pirate, I don’t want to be  a farmer (let alone a super farmer).  You get the point.  Like I said, Facebook can be a wonderful tool for staying in touch with family and friends, and it can serve as a valuable resource for getting in touch with people you couldn’t otherwise find.  However, it’s just not doing it for me anymore.  I think the only reason I haven’t deleted my account is because that requires more work than just leaving it and letting the invites and friend requests pile up.

Another thing I have found that I can’t stand: fantasy sports.  This one has nothing to do with age, but I figure since I’m pissing and moaning about everything else, why not throw it in?  Since I know fantasy sports have a huge following, and no less than half of you reading this probably partake in them, allow me to explain my reasons.  Remember, this is only my opinion.

To me, fantasy sports are, among other things:

1) Incredibly boring and pointless.  It’s a group of men ranging in age from teenager to middle-aged who spend countless hours on the computer looking up stats, reading injury reports, revising their rosters, and subsequently sucking all the fun out of sports. Gosh, forgive me for not sprinting to the front of the line one that one.  People get so wrapped up in it, that they forget that sports are supposed to be for entertainment.  If you can’t enjoy watching sports without playing fantasy sports, you’re not a real fan, and that is the dead truth.  I, for example, don’t give two craps about any baseball team other than the Twins.  I don’t care how many times Paul Konerko has struck out with runners in scoring position.  I don’t care what Trevor Hoffman’s ERA is with the bases loaded.  I don’t want to know.  All I want to do is watch my team.  Everything else is completely inconsequential to me.

2)All based entirely on luck.  Seriously, you can say you’re the best fantasy football “player” in the world,  but if a handful of your players get hurt, or they are in a slump, or they are suspended six games for allegedly raping a girl in Tahoe, then you’re toast.  You could draft the freaking all-star team for your roster, but you have NO control over how they’ll play.  You’re just picking people and hoping. Conversely, you could throw darts at team pictures from across the room to choose your players and wind up winning it all.  There’s no skill involved.  It’s all based entirely on what other people do, and over that, you have no control as a fantasy player.

3) Just another way for us as Americans to turn everything into a competition.  Reality check:  sports are already competitions.  Now you want to compete over who can blindly predict a group of players who will have productive weeks and seasons?   If you want to try and predict sports outcomes, call your bookie and lay down some cash the old fashioned way.  Don’t pussyfoot around with this fantasy crap, gamble like a real man would.

4) There is nothing more annoying/boring than those people who talk non-stop about their fantasy team (as if I could even pretend to care).  “Well, I was thinking about benching Wes Welker for the week, but then I heard that TJ Houshmandzadeh’s dog had a sinus infection so I didn’t think he would be very effective.  Bottom line, all I need is for Matt Ryan to throw a couple of TD’s and for Stephen Jackson not to rush for more than 127 yards and/or two touchdowns and I’ll win by 0.114 points.” Seriously, please go swallow a knife, I hate you.  No one else cares either.  Not even people who play fantasy sports.  No one wants to hear about anyone’s team but their own, which is even more reason that fantasy sports are the devil.  Furthermore, the next time I hear someone complain that they have to root against their favorite team in order for their fantasy team to win that week, I might choke someone.  Another reality check:  Which is more important to you – your actual favorite team winning, or your pretend fantasy team (which isn’t even really a team outside of your mind) winning?  If you said your fantasy team, then you are not a fan of that actual team.

There, I feel better.

However, there’s a plus to being 27.  I found out that if there were a military draft, I am no longer eligible to be drafted.  So I have that going for me, which is nice.

One love,

1o

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18 Comments on “27 Is The New Bitter”

  1. firecracker3 Says:

    This post made me laugh and nod in agreement. I have a just few years on you and can only say it gets worse but for most people it does manage to level out at somepoint.

  2. Bigsby Says:

    I agree on the teens. Walking through Target there is always a group of teens in there wearing weird clothes and dropping an f-bomb or “fag” every other word.

    You just didn’t get in on fantasy sports soon enough. Once you have a league with the same 10 guys for 6 years it’s very fun. It also makes watching the Chargers and Chiefs a lot more interesting. Or the Cardinals and Rams. I wouldn’t know who half the players in the NFL were if not for fantasy football. A great learning tool.

  3. c Says:

    Get out of my head, 10! I supervise college kids, so don’t even get me started on what they think is appropriate to wear to work (leggings as pants? Come on, it’s not 1983 and you are not Debbie Gibson). Also, I know I’m a chick so this probably goes without saying, but I hate fantasy leagues. It seems to me the only person who cares about your team is you, not even the people in your same league want to hear you prattle on and on…just thoughts.

    Also: I am absolutely going to start telling people to swallow a knife when they piss me off, I laughed a good 28 seconds on that one.

  4. ThePowerOf10 Says:

    Bigs, I never wanted to get “in on” fantasy sports in the first place. I’d rather just watch football without counting yards, turnovers, sacks, touchdowns, etc.

    C-Money, the next time a gal walks into work wearing leggings as pants, say this: “Nice pants, do they come in your size? Now go home and change before I slap you across your face in front of everyone.”

  5. b baby Says:

    speaking of “sucking the fun out of life”… nice post

  6. BeachBum Says:

    I’ve given up on the younger generation. There is a new girl at work – fresh out of college – who will text her friends while having a conversation with a group of other people. Find that incredibly rude and disrespectful to the people you’re actually facing.

    Let’s hope they mature like we did and see the error of their ways.

    Agree on Top 40 radio, as well. All of it blows and if it doesn’t they’ll play it so often everyone winds up hating it. Somehow the world is now catering to the 13 year old girls instead of the general public. It’s the only way to explain Justin Bieber and Twilight craze.

    You need to play fantasy for money. When you win $700 at the end of the season it makes things all make sense.

  7. ThePowerOf10 Says:

    The texting etiquette kills me. There’s a girl I work with who, during our pre-shift meeting everyday, will sit on her phone and text the whole time. Every. Single. Day. I’ve given up asking her to quit, because she will, but she’s back at it the next day. Makes me wonder who exactly she HAS to text everyday at 6:15 pm …

    As for the fantasy sports for money thing, I think it’s worth $700 to me to not play. I mean, if you average out all the work you do over a season – the draft (which you have to pay for), the trades (which you have to pay for), the research, the double-checking, the worry and angst over how your players are doing – are you even making minimum wage at the end of the year?

  8. Jum Says:

    I’m with Bigsby on fantasy football, and it’s the same reason I love gambling- it makes sports more interesting. Anything that makes a mid-November Rams/Panthers game even the slightest bit interesting is good in my book.

  9. BeachBum Says:

    10, you couple fantasy (I only put in 150 for the chance to win 700) with NFL Red Zone channel and it’s quite simply football nirvana.

    Considering a majority of that takes place during the winter months and it’s well worth the cost purely for entertainment value. Keeps me from committing suicide until March.

  10. ThePowerOf10 Says:

    Bigsby, Jum and Beach, I differ with you guys on a major point here. Allow me to cut and paste directly from the comments.

    “It also makes watching the Chargers and Chiefs a lot more interesting. Or the Cardinals and Rams.”

    or

    “Anything that makes a mid-November Rams/Panthers game even the slightest bit interesting is good in my book.”

    To me, if the game isn’t “interesting” I just won’t watch it. It’s not like there aren’t other things I could be doing with my Sundays. I watch football (and other sports for that matter) based on whether or not I actually want to. If a game doesn’t interest me, I don’t watch it. You guys make it sound like you’re stuck watching these games regardless, and fantasy sports just make them tolerable.

  11. Bigsby Says:

    The texting thing, ugggh. As a single male I encounter many strange women. They do nothing but text. Maybe it’s because I’m boring them, but I don’t care. Maybe it’s because I’m 28 and they’re 21 or 22. I’m only hanging out with you to put in the requisite 2 hour movie to get into your pants. Don’t ruin the only 2 hours I’m going to be attentive by texting the whole time.

    And it’s not like you have watch the Rams to find out how Steven Jackson doing. I have stat tracker on my phone. I could me yachting and I’d know how my fantasy team did, if I ever went yachting on a Sunday.

  12. firecracker3 Says:

    Bigsby if I were you I would be happy with the fact the 21 or 22 year old even agreed to go somewhere with you for 2 hours, texting during that time or not, if at the end of it all you simply wanted was to get into her pants and she knew that the whole time anyway.

    You could either fit more girls into the schedule or be more efficient if you just say that upfront. They aren’t all under the assumption that you have a real interest in them. Just a friendly FYI.

  13. Bigsby Says:

    I am happy 21-22 year old females go places with me. They just text to much. I don’t want to sound like a crotchety old man, but what happened to talking on the phone? I probably send and receive a total of 20 text messages to male friends every week and spend 2-3 hours talking to them on the phone. And the texts are mostly dick jokes about sports. But female friends or prospective female acquaintances, it’s 100s of texts and they never want to just bang out a 20 minute conversation. They’d rather text for 2 hours. Balls, I have fantasy lineups to set and an XBox that isn’t going to play itself.

    I wasn’t trying to sound like a misogynist ass or anything. Sorry if I came off that way in my previous post. I am far from it. I gravitate towards younger women because I like being the smarter one. Women my age are smarter than me. Mr. 10 can attest to that.

  14. ThePowerOf10 Says:

    “Women my age are smarter than me. Mr. 10 can attest to that.”

    It’s true.

  15. firecracker3 Says:

    Why is it you prefer to be the “smarter one” as you put it? I hear this statement often but usually without any reasoning behind it. It often coincides with seeking out younger women as well.
    Added note, I am not looking to start a men vs. women battle here, I am simply interested in your viewpoint.

  16. Bigsby Says:

    I don’t mean smarter in a book sense, I mean it in like a worldly life experience fix things trivial kind of way. Kind of like street smarts, but not really. I’m not handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn my keep. Regulators! I would prefer the woman have more book smarts than me. That way she can bring home the bacon while I be a stay at home dad. Dream job BTW. I don’t know how to explain it. I like to be more knowledgeable of the world. I’m a neanderthal. I can’t help it.

  17. ThePowerOf10 Says:

    “I’m a neanderthal.”

    Also true.

  18. Bigsby Says:

    Thanks 10!


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