Man’s Best Friend

Okay, I might need my blogging training wheels to get back into this.  As I mentioned briefly last week, I was in the midst of a hellish work week, effectively forcing me to do almost nothing but work and sleep.  I’ve barely seen any of my friends lately, and I’m probably one step shy of being completely phased out of any group of friends I may have had.  That got me thinking.  Could I make new friends?  I mean, I probably could, but they couldn’t hold a candle to my current friends.  Unless …

Unless these new friends are people I’ve always wanted to hang out with but couldn’t.  People I’ve admired over the years, wondering what it might be like to hang out with them.  So with that in mind, I came up with a list of a handful of fictional movie characters that I wish were real so I could hang out with them.  There are no set-in-stone prerequesites to this list.  If someone seems cool, and I get a vibe like we’d have fun hanging out, they’re in.  Of course, a list like this has potential to get out of control quickly, so I tried to limit this to the cream of the crop.

I’m certain I’m forgetting someone, but I’m pleased with the list I’ve got so far.  So let’s get into it.  These are in no particular order.

– Danny Ocean, Ocean’s 11.  Really, I’d love to hang with the entire Ocean’s 11 crew, but mostly Danny and Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt’s character).  They’re cool, suave, debonair, and I find myself laughing hysterically at their everyday conversations.  Not only would I have more adventure in my life in any given week than I do in an entire regular year, but I’d have an excuse to dress up all the time and look sharp.  Let’s face it, designer suits and expensive shoes supersede khaki shorts and flip-flops any day.

“Did Mike just say he had to go update his blog?  Remind me again why we hang out with him.  What’s a blog anyway?”

 

– Mike Lowrey, Bad Boys.  As if it weren’t enough to be a hot-shot, chick magnet cop in Miami, Detective Lowrey has himself a hell of a Ferrari and a bunch of guns.  Yeah, I could roll like that.  Also, if it means I could hang out with Martin Lawrence’s character by default, then I’m for that too.  This is another pair of fellas whose friendship cracks me up, and I think the balance between the two would make for magic.  Plus, I’ve always wanted a couple of black friends.  I’m not exactly afforded such an opportunity living in North Dakota.

Walter Sobchak, The Big Lebowski. To anyone who has seen this movie, this one doesn’t need any further explanation.  Everyone needs one of those eccentric, borderline crazy friends, and Walter would be my first pick in this lottery.  The number of hilarious facial expressions and one-liners alone would make this a worthwhile friendship.  Not to mention he would do things like bring me a briefcase full of his dirty underwear.  Some call that a dealbreaker, I call it comedic gold.

“Eight year olds, dude.”

 

– Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup.  Come on, like I could really make a friend group without a go-to golfing buddy.  Roy would be the perfect one too, if you ask me.  He owns his own driving range, he loves the game, he’s prone to fits of insanity, and he will absolutely not lay up.  I guess he’s a bit out of my league skill-wise, but he can give me a few pointers here and there.  If nothing else, I’d get the pleasure of Cheech Marin’s company while he caddied for Roy.  Sounds like a win-win to me. 

– Danny Donahue, Role Models.  I kind of struggled with this one, because I wanted to get Paul Rudd in here somewhere, but I didn’t know which character of his I’d most like to hang out with.  Really, I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, but his character in Role Models is just the epitome of awesome.  He’s a sarcastic, insulting, insensitive, bitter prick.  PERFECT.  For me, it would be like having Jake around, only cooler.  I could talk this potential friendship up all day, but I think the only evidence I need to point to is the link below.  30-some seconds of bliss.

 – Peter Gibbons, Office Space.  Let’s see, a total disregard for responsibility and authority, a desire to do nothing but sit on his ass all day, and a “so-fucking-what” attitude towards life in general … yeah, Peter and I would get along just fine.  I mean, I wouldn’t want to get wrapped up in that whole Superman 3 scheme he gets involved in, but I wouldn’t mind sitting around, watching kung-fu movies, and blowing off work everyday.  That’s the American dream if I’ve ever heard it. 

Thus concludes the first edition of the Mike’s Dream Fake Friends List.  Like I said, I know I’m forgetting people, and even as I was typing this up, I thought of a few more than I could have tossed in here.  But, in the interest of actually working at work, I should cut this off.  With any luck, my week should open up a little starting tomorrow and into Friday. 

On a quick side note, we’re having the roof redone at work and I’m looking out my window at the crew of three guys, all of whom are smoking.  Meanwhile, there’s a 600-gallon tank of gasoline and roughly a thousand pounds of compressed propane within 20 yards of them.  So, let’s just hope I live to write another post. 

One love,

10

Explore posts in the same categories: Random