Guilty As Charged
As I’ve shown before, I’m not afraid to make a fool of myself on the world wide web (see this post). This is going to be somewhat similar to that one. Yes, I encompass a varitable universe of bad decisions and questionable choices, and a few more are going to be discussed today. Today, we’re gonna talk about my guilty pleasures.
I’ve got a few of them, some more embarrassing than others depending on who I’m telling them about, but I am not afraid to tell you, my faithful readers about as many of them as I can think of. I know you don’t judge me (except of course Eric and B-Weezy, they are like a supreme force of hate when they’re together) so I’m not afraid to air my shit out. Oh, and just to clarify, the following are in no particular order.
- Wrestling. I am hooked to Monday Night Raw. Hooked might even be an understatement. I spent my childhood watching wrestling, but gave it up somewhere in my teens in lieu of women. Now, I’m back at a point in my life where I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me, and therefore, every Monday night, you can find me plopped in front of my television from 8:00 to 10:00 watching the good ol’ WWE. I’m like a 10 year old about it too. I cheer for certain people and I despise others, all the while I’m telling myself that what I’m watching is nothing more than a soap opera full of 260 pound men on steroids. I don’t care, I love it.
- While I find it slightly embarrassing that I watch wrestling, I think that is easily topped by the fact that I watch The Hills. I’m a little behind on this season, but I have seen every episode before it, and I own season one on DVD. Yeah, you read that right. I actually spent American dollars in exchange for a three disc set full of Lauren, Audrina, Heidi, and Whitney. The best part about the show is that I watch it through my On-Demand menu, so there are no commercials, and since the show lacks a whole lot of substance, I can knock out an episode in about 18 minutes. If I fast forward through the recap of the previous episode, the montages of cars driving or skyline shots in between scenes, and anything Brody Jenner says, I can watch a whole episode in the time it takes my chicken nuggets to cook in the oven. Brilliant show, let me tell you.
- One item started as a guilty pleasure and has turned into a part of my everyday lifestyle. Many moons ago, one shy ninth grader woke up for school and found himself out of clean boxers. So, rather than put on a dirty pair, he simply went commando and headed off to school. By about second period, I realized that not wearing underwear was the greatest thing in the history of the human race. Fast forward to today. It’s ten full years later and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn underwear since. Seriously. I own one pair of emergency boxers, just because I’d hate to be in a situation where I need a pair only to be without one. (Even though such a situation hasn’t been presented yet). Junior and senior prom, I went commando in a rented tux. Yeah, I know, questionable choice. I played sports high school – football, baseball, and track – and not once did I wear anything between my uniform and my birthday suit. Track was the tricky one, but the shorts were baggy enough to where it didn’t matter. Bottom line, if you ever see me in person, there is a 100% chance that the only thing between you and my crotch is a pair of jeans.
- This one is the most recent of my guilty pleasures, and was only undertaken due to peer pressure from JK. He kept telling me, ”Dude, trust me, being on Twitter is cool. You can look at all these celebs who write funny stuff. It’s great, you gotta do it.” So, I got sick of him harassing me about it, so I signed up. Actually, it’s not that bad. Sure, it’s a minefield of douchery and loserness, but I steer clear of all the World of Warcraft players and stick to the stuff I like. I follow a few of my favorite musicians, a few celebs, and a lot of sports mediums. SportsCenter is on there and gives updates several times an hour about sports news and such. My boys from PTI are on there, and let me tell you, if Tony Kornheiser is on Twitter, then that makes it okin my book. I also follow a few coaches of college teams to keep up on news in that world. It’s just another way for me to kill time on the internet after I read the handful of blogs I read, Facebook my heart out, and look up Asian midget porn.
- I love romantic comedies. Love ‘em. Call me a girl, I don’t care. Tell me you know I’m gay, go ahead. I’m very cinematically diverse and I like it that way. Sometimes I’m in the mood to watch Ahhnold chase the Predator around the jungle with Jesse Ventura, and sometimes I want to watch Jack Nicholson fall in love with Diane Keaton only to get swept up in a love triangle involving the two of them and Keanu Reeves. (By the way, that movie is Something’s Gotta Giveand it’s one of my favesies). I have several movies sitting on my shelf that I’m sure raise a decent amount of doubt about my sexuality, but I like to keep people guessing.
- The last one is probably the lamest of them all to me. There is a lady at work who brings in her subscriptions to Us Weekly and Star magazines every couple weeks, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hooked on them. Granted, I would never go spend $3.99 on one of these myself, but if they’re just sitting in the front office while I’m doing paperwork, then I will certainly go out of my way to grab one and browse it on my break. I like to know who’s dating who, who’s cheating, who’s getting beat up and left on the side of the road, and who got caught trying to pick up a transvestite hooker on Hollywood Blvd. This way, when I meet Jessica Biel, we’ll have plenty to talk about en route to her falling in love with me. Makes sense right? No? Oh well, story of my life.
Don’t judge me. I’m just a man, same as you. Now, I want to hear some of your favorite guilty pleasures. Feel free to omit the one about getting tied up with barbed wire to a telephone pole and getting sodomized with a zucchini, I don’t need to hear about that. Aside from those types of things, I want to be dazzled.
One love,
10
May 13, 2009 at 4:39 PM
Wrestling? Check RomComs? Check. Commando? Check until about 6 months ago. Tabloid Magazines? Check. The Hills? Really? I can now see why we hit it off. I watch “Brothers and Sisters.” That’s my guilty pleasure. Wait a sec, that, Midol, and woman’s deodorant are also some guilty pleasures.
May 13, 2009 at 5:41 PM
My guilty pleasure? I can’t believe I’m telling you…
Cheesy Hilary Duff movies.
Feel free to judge me.
Yes, I’m a 25 year old woman.
May 13, 2009 at 9:57 PM
Bigsby, it has become clear that we are more than likely brothers from other mothers. Midol used to be my weakness in high school during football season. Nothing got rid of cramps and aching better, plus I could drink enough water to stay hydrated without feeling all full and bloated during the game.
Kez, I sympathize with you, we all have weaknesses. Be proud of it!
May 14, 2009 at 7:40 AM
A lot of those Disney/Nickelodeon shows that are on in the evening (I Carly, Wizards of Waverly Place, etc.)…..guilty.
May 14, 2009 at 9:24 AM
I suddenly don’t feel awkward about watching Brothers and sisters.
May 14, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Pretty much 3/4 of my itunes could be called guilty pleasures.
May 14, 2009 at 10:53 AM
Shit! I forgot to mention my music collection. Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson, Christina Aguilera, Backstreet Boys, N-Sync, and so, so many others. I was literally listening to Ashlee Simpson last night on my way home from work. You would think I’d be embarrassed about this stuff.
May 14, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Your last comment should be removed. Are you fucking kidding me cheese? You just lost 12 respect points for ashlee simpson. Don’t get me wrong I’d still bang her.
May 14, 2009 at 2:10 PM
Kos Daddy, in my defense, I didn’t pay a penny for any of that, and I got it all when I was in high school or my very early college years. And the only reason I listened to Ashlee last night was because I someone asked me what the most embarrassing CD I own is, and I mentioned that, so I just had to bust it out. And yes, I would also have relations with her.
May 14, 2009 at 4:47 PM
Love. It. Love it all. No one should label Brothers and Sisters as a guilty pleasure, mister Bigsby, it’s nop notch. I want to take Sally Field out to a nice sea food dinner and never call her again.
May 14, 2009 at 8:03 PM
Mandy Moore songs and movies–even the one about being the president’s daughter…on another level, I still have and sleep with my baby blanket. It travels with me and has cured many ails. Feel free to judge one and all, I can take it because my blankie protects me
May 14, 2009 at 8:12 PM
Mike,
“very early college years”? Ummm, pretty sure I made you a copy of all my Ashlee music under two years ago. You are welcome. I know I rock.
May 15, 2009 at 2:43 AM
Heidi, really? Really? You had to throw that in my face? I had all the mainstream stuff of hers, just wanted to know if there were any I missed. By the way, I have since lost those CDs and for some reason I never put them on my iPod in their entirety. Can you burn me more copies? Dead serious.
May 15, 2009 at 5:37 AM
Sure! And, I have the last one that came out like, last year too. I think it sucks, but since you love her you will probably want it.
May 15, 2009 at 8:01 AM
If you’re going to write a post about your guilty pleasures you shouldn’t try to justify anything by using the “early college years” excuse!!! Bravo for calling him out, Heidi!
Oh, and the Dixie Chicks used to be my guilty pleasure, but I stopped feeling guilty about liking them after they made those controversial comments about George W. a few years ago. I’m not sure what my guilty pleasure is now … cheap vodka, perhaps?
May 15, 2009 at 9:42 AM
Heidi, I heard it was shitty, but while you’re burning CDs for me you might as well toss it in the mix.
Julie, I despise country music so was never clear on what those bitches said, only that the entire nation now wants them to burn in a fiery pit of hell. Since I’m too lazy to Wikipedia it, you should fill me in.
May 15, 2009 at 10:04 AM
Per wikipedia: “During a London, England concert ten days before the 2003 invasion of Iraq, lead vocalist Maines said, ‘we don’t want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas’(the Dixie Chicks’ home state).”
And the hick country fans got all upset about this –radio stations boycotted their music and people had CD burning parties and whatnot. Of course, years later (and after seeing Bush’s approval ratings hover around 25 percent at the end of his term), most Americans are now also ashamed of Bush (or at least happy to forget about him for awhile), so the whole Dixie Chicks controversy has pretty much been swept under the rug.
But anyway, the big-city liberals started thinking it was OK to like the Dixie Chicks after that comment, and I stopped feeling the need to repress my glee at hearing their lovely fiddling and twanging about the 4-H club.
May 15, 2009 at 11:18 AM
Don’t forget the FFA